I learned one of my coworkers has lied to me about who he is and what he is and why he is here. I learned his story of fraud and millions and living high and far was a cover for something dark and gross and horrible and evil horrible horrible evil. I learned he is filthy and sick and disgusting and a dirty horrible lying animal. I am a father and if anyone did to my daughters what this pervert did to other children I would be lost in a fury and a cyclone and a rage and want to punish the sick twisted distorted perverted atrocious individual who could subject beautiful and precious children to such horrors and terrors, scarring their lives forever and ever and ever. As a father, God gave me precious angels to watch over and protect, to guard to defend to shield to shelter. The thought of anyone hurting and injuring and destroying and despoiling the innocence and purity and wonder and dreams and hopes and sensations of childhood, of the oung days of my girls’ lives fills me with an anger like fire like a burning rage that consumes everything I know and understand and believe and want to believe and hope to believe and have ever believed. Thoughts of tears trickling from young round beautiful blue and brown brilliant eyes filled with life and joy and wonder suddenly filled with fear and terror because of a sick distorted warped cruel perversion sends me to a place I have never been before.
Never been.
Never.
I look down at my hands and they are shaking.
Shaking and trembling and shaking.
Shaking and shaking with rage and fury and anger and wrath.
I brace myself against the white porcelain shaking and trembling. My mind twirls and gyrates and contorts and I am sick and revolted and repulsed and nauseated. An emotional cyclone of dark thoughts of wanting to protect, to defend, an inferno of reckoning retribution to protect the little ones who can’t protect themselves circles and circles and circles coiling in my mind tightly coiling curling down an endless dark spiral of blackness that spins and spins and spins twisting and torquing to the darkest abyss and the gates are open and I see it. I see it for the first time for the very first time. I see why there is Hell and why God allows people to go there and why there is endless suffering and fire and pain and heat and torment where one always remembers because it is endless and bottomless and deathless, a place where one wants to die but they can’t die because they died once and they can never die again. They scream and plead and shriek and beg because they see the fear and the terror they inflicted. They see it over and over and over in the round brilliant brown and blue and green and hazel.
The innocence they filled with shame.
The hopes they filled with fear.
They see it.
They see it.
He said it and He thought it. He must have seen what I saw in my mind when I saw the beautiful innocent young blue brown brilliant eyes. He said it and I finally understand the full depths of the meaning of His words. Truly understand.
He was angry before. Very angry. Angry over much lesser things.
After the Incarnation He was angry.
In the temple, His house, He took a whip and turned over tables.
He said it after He came to earth. He said it as a man, fully flesh, full of blood and bones and tissue wrapped in skin breathing the same air we breathe walking on the same planet we walk. He said it in an era of grace and mercy and forgiveness, just one simple prayer and all of it will be forgiven forgotten gone.
Yes it is true. It’s very true. It extends to all.
Forgiveness.
Mercy.
Grace.
Yes it extends to all. All can be forgiven forgotten gone.
But He still said it.
Better for you to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around your neck than to offend one of these little ones.
To offend and hurt one of these little ones.
To offend and hurt and injure innocence and purity.
Have mercy on us all Lord. And protect the little ones, the ones who can’t protect themselves. Protect them today in this horrible and cruel and dark and evil world we call our home. Protect them Lord, please protect them. Please please please. And help me, really help me in this dark place where I live to fully understand and see how far and deep and wide your grace and mercy extends and reaches. Today I can’t seem to see too far or understand too much.
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