A Day In My Life - Music

Today, nearly five years of living without an iPod and my music came to an end.  For the first time in the feds we're allowed to purchase MP3 players and download music.  Over the last year, I heard a rumor this day was coming but I never believed it.  In this environment the most unimaginable rumors swirl with every gust of wind.  And frequently they prove to be false.  I was stunned when MP3 players went on sale in the compound store last week and we were informed we could start buying songs through our computer system today.

All week, my mind's been spinning as I've tried to recall my favorite tracks.  I've carried a pen and notepad everywhere writing down songs and artists as they come to mind.  When I can't remember a title, I scribble lyrics I recall and ask the music connoisseurs if they know the name of the song.  Usually they suggest I sing the lyrics so they can ascertain some frame of reference, some rhythm or beat.  Big mistake.  No one has deducted a song title from my impromptu solos but they certainly have cast cringed faces and distorted smiles in my attempts to belt out tunes I can't quite remember.

I've hauled my notepad to the weight room, the gym, the track, and around the housing unit.  I've slept with it because I found myself waking throughout the night with song titles rollercoasting through my thoughts.  Following a week of horrendous solo performances, of wracking my brain trying to remember all the music that's been missing from my life for the last half decade, the day arrived to download my first songs.

I woke bright and early and rushed to the computer terminals with music list and iPod in hand.  I was eager to reunite with my music.  On arrival, I was greeted by a lengthy line snaking its way through the unit.  It was the longest line I've ever seen inside my living area, at least fifty deep, all waiting to reconnect with their music.  Disappointedly, I returned to my room and postponed one of the most anticipated moments of these last five years.  As I waited for the line to shrink, I contemplated why I was so anxious to download the missing music of my life and why so many others were feeling the same way about their music.

Music is a harmony that unites the spiritual and emotional with the physical in the human life.  We do more than hear music; we feel music.  The music we listen to is a metaphor for what goes on in the heart and soul.  It's an expression or representation of life churning internally, of emotions and spirit.  In our very constitution we are musical, as is the world itself.  No matter where you travel on this bouncing ball, you encounter music.  It's deeply embedded and entrenched in culture, in history, and in the lives of people found in every given region and country on earth.

Our spirit is fundamentally musical, complete with tonalities, moods, rhythms, counterpoints, harmonies, and dissonances.  It corresponds to some feeling or thought, and when we listen to music we are led to sensations that dispel the humdrum of daily life.  Our spirit yearns for understanding, for completion, for inspiration, and often in a song we find some solace for our yearnings.  The light clicks on.  Someone understands how I feel.  Music has the ability to move us deeply.  More than all the arts, it has a powerful effect on a person's life.  The brilliant Greek philosopher Plato wrote, "Without music, the soul becomes feeble, deaf, and blind."  Music touches our spirit directly and brings out individuality and imagination.

Often I approach life as a logical problem and when faced with difficulty I do my best to determine which alternative is correct and makes sense.  And sometimes nothing makes sense and the choices in front of me are clouded by confusion.  Music helps shift my thinking from logical sequence to pliable reasoning, and this opens windows where I can see and appreciate the many different ways life arranges itself.  It reconnects me with my past and this adaptive vision, as with music itself, provides significant insight that is a profound deepening and understanding of the original content of my life.  In other words, music casts fresh perspective on all that has occurred up to this point in my journey and can help calibrate my forward view of a boundless horizon filled with unlimited possibilities.  Words often can't do this; they are sometimes empty and inattentive, void of feeling.  But music moves my spirit, igniting me to action and fanning the flame of belief.

Music is made up of measures and developments so it's tolerant of the many different kinds of figurations that make up a life.  This is often why we connect to certain songs, why certain music resonates in our hearts.  Music creates an atmosphere, a milieu, a haven for clarity and calm.  Sometimes words don't enlighten but a song clears away all the cobwebs and allows us to see the various dimensions of our lives.  The deep power of music provides an ordinary life with beauty and poetry and in times of uninspired pragmatism allows our spirit to interact with inspiration.

Perhaps one of the reasons we lack enchantment in daily life is we often think too much in terms of cause and effect, instead of stepping back and acknowledging the sovereign expressions that simply come from being alive in a living and fluid world.  Music helps me appreciate the aesthetics of events that shape my life rather than their truth or fairness.  The art of living is quite different in tone from the toil of living.

Some hours later the line for the computers had vanished.  I sat in front of a workstation, logged in, and clicked the music button.  Suddenly I was connected to the outside world.  On the screen in front of me was a bridge to my entire past.  It was overwhelming at first.  My mind went blank as I tried to figure out what song to download first.  I noticed a running clock in the window.  I had fifteen minutes to select my songs and could only purchase a daily limit.  I quickly searched for songs that resonate with me and carry deep meaning both past and present.

The first song I purchased was What Faith Can Do by Kutless because the lyrics burn in my spirit.  I believe every word of this song; I live and feel and breathe the lyrics.  Next I pictured my three beautiful daughters whom I miss more than words can describe.  Past images of wonderful times spent together raced through my mind.  I needed songs that would take me back to moments where I could feel their touch and hear their voices and see their amazing smiles, songs that would wrap me into their past and present lives.  I downloaded Butterfly Kisses, I'm Already There, and Ready, Set, Don't Go.  These three songs connect me to my girls and bring me back to a very special experience I had some years back.

Next came God Of This City  and How Great Is Our God  by Chris Tomlin.  Both worship anthems inspire me greatly and remind me: Nothing is impossible for my God.  It's a tremendous blessing for me to access music that ushers the presence of God into my life as I live in a very difficult place and mind-bending world.  I followed those up with I Could Sing Of Your Love Forever  and Did You Feel The Mountains Tremble by Delirious.  These incredible songs take me back to the many years I lived out my calling, times where I was used by God and witnessed so many miracles and astonishing acts as I travelled and spoke all over the world.  And these songs reignite my belief that one day God will use my gifts again in a similar way.

Before I knew it, my time limit was up and I’d purchased my daily limit of music.  I scrolled through my iPod to make sure all songs were downloaded.  And there they were.  It's strange when you lose something and go without it for years.  Then suddenly you find it again.  It's an amazing feeling.  You appreciate it more, value it more, treasure it more.  So much more.  You comprehend, maybe for the first time, the considerable emptiness the loss created.

My First Playlist

Bent, Matchbox Twenty - I don't think there is a song I relate to more.

My Wish, Rascal Flatts -  My prayer and greatest hope for my daughters, my friends, my family.

Alright, Darius Rucker - At the end of the day, nothing in life is more important.

Hello World, Lady Antebellum - My prayer, my hope, my faith, my thoughts, my feelings, my girls ... song says everything I long for and desire.

Let's Stay Together, Al Green - A timeless classic on what marriage and love are all about.

The Color Of Love, Boyz 2 Men - For me, the most beautiful song lyrically and musically.  Love is the most powerful force in the universe.  It's magical.

4 In The Morning, Gwen Stefani - Sometimes our relationships reach a point where all feeling is lost, where everything is frayed, torn, fractured, and the only thing that remains is our commitment. When you hold onto and honor commitment by giving every piece of who you are to that commitment, something miraculous takes place.

Heal The World, MJ - A hope that burns in my heart.  I want nothing more than to make any wrongs right, assist others, and give my remaining years to help the hurting in our world.

Babylon, David Gray - A feel good song that triggers fond memories of wonderful times lived all over the world ... NYC-Honolulu-London-SF-HK-DC-Rome-Paris-Amsterdam-Munich-Monte Carlo-Kiev-Miami-Helsinki ... the list is endless.  Life is amazing and anything is possible.  Red lights do turn green again!

No Love, Lil Wayne & Eminem - You can't write a song like this nor relate to it unless you've lived the lyrics.  Like me, both Weezy & Shady lived through a difficult relationship and walked the path of incarceration.  Though graphic and provocative, the song is reality in my life and story.  Most lyrics apply.  "I'm alive again, more alive than I had been in my whole entire life."  "My nightstands are full of open Bibles."  "Been to Hell and back, I can show you vouchers."

Not Afraid, Eminem - A personal anthem.  A constant reminder to stand strong and never again lose sight of what's most important: God, family, and my girl's lives.

Everlasting God, Lincoln Brewster

Could It Be Any Harder, The Calling

The Last Beautiful Girl, Matchbox Twenty

Mockingbird, Rob Thomas

The Space Between, Dave Matthews Band

‘N Dey Say, Nelly

The Riddle, Five For Fighting

There Goes My Life, Kenny Chesney

Don't Blink, Kenny Chesney

Headlines, Drake

Take Care, Drake & Rihanna

When I'm Gone, Eminem

Mercy, Mercy, Me, Marvin Gaye

What's Going On, Marvin Gaye

Adrienne, The Calling

Angel, Lionel Richie

Viva La Vida, Coldplay

I Can Only Imagine, Mercy Me