Like Jesus Does

Music is a harmony that unites the spiritual and emotional with the physical in the human experience.  Often, in a four-minute song, we hear something we've been feeling for an extended period of time.  We hear verses we've desired to convey in spoken or written word, but have failed because we couldn't find the exact words to intelligibly communicate our sentiment.

"Like Jesus Does," is a song by Eric Church that powerfully communicates something I've wanted to say for a long time, but I couldn't quite find the appropriate words.  There's a general perception that men find it difficult to connect with their emotions and to express those emotions.  I believe this perception is somewhat misguided.  We do connect; we just bury those connections inside.  Men are not emotionless.  Next time you're on an airplane, or on some form of public transport, notice how many men are wearing ear buds or headphones.  And compare that with women.  Men are wrapped in the folds of music because song allows men to reach some safe emotional connection.  Music transports a man's feelings to the forefront of his thoughts.

Men are a complex mix of masculinity, ego, emotion, and spirituality.  Growing up, I was told by a wide range of voices, "You'll never understand a woman.  Don't even try.  It's a hopeless cause, they're much too complex."  There have certainly been experiences in my life where I've believed this was the Herculean truth of life.  Every man on this planet would probably concur.  However, I don't believe this to be true about women.  In fact, I believe the opposite.  A man can understand a woman if he desires to do so.  And "Like Jesus Does" reiterates this belief for me.  Deep in the heart of every woman sits a hope: to be loved and to be free to love with all her heart.

Contrary to popular opinion, women are not as complex as men make them out to be.  Most women desire a life partner.  A woman hopes for a faithful man who will love her, cherish her, adore her, and place her first in his life; a man who will treat her like the princess God has designed her to be; a man who will live and act like a man; a man who will give her his time, his heart, his dreams, his emotions; a man who will stand strong in her weakness, in life's storms, one who will protect and provide.

Without question, for a period of years, I failed greatly at being this kind of a man. I put the women in my life through unspeakable chaos and heartache because I was not the man God had designed me to be.  I was anything but a good husband during that time period.  I was an imposter, a fraud, a chameleon, a liar, a cheater.  I was just about everything except the man I was called to be.  Perhaps that's why "Like Jesus Does" resonates with me, why it connects emotionally.  When you've gone through the fire of failure, the crucible of change, of transformation, everything takes on a new perspective.  The world no longer looks the same, it's radically altered in every dimension of life.

Men can appear to be a series of contradictions.  If you're a woman reading this, you've no doubt experienced such contradictions in a man's life.  Many of the incongruities you've encountered are magnified larger by a man's propensity to bury his emotions – his fears and hurts and failures and hopes – making him seem emotionless.  But I can assure you that men are not emotionless.  In fact, we are deeply emotional, but we often bury our emotions inside.  The contradictions we encounter often block emotion in the context of our relationships.

As I look back, I've found contradictions in my life that stunted emotion and devastated my marriages.  For example, I have this enormous ability to undergo deep, dark trials per se, yet my spirit is easily wounded by another's words.  And in those wounds, I tend to bury my feelings, harboring unpleasant emotions.  Another contradiction: I am extremely sensitive to the greater needs of the world, the suffering of humanity, but am often insensitive to the needs of those closest to me. Such a contradiction only pushed my spouse away, injuring her spirit, making her feel less as a person.  One more: In years past, I spoke to thousands about loyalty and commitment, yet lacked integrity in my own life on these issues.  There was a great disconnect between my spoken word and personal actions.  And this contradiction only diminished my life and destroyed the trust of my wife, devaluing her in every way imaginable.  

I suspect, most of us have struggled at some point with what we want for our lives and the shortcomings we face while wrestling with personal flaws.  The contradictions.  When such contradictions are prevalent in a man's life, he has a tendency to bury the fallout internally, and in doing so, compresses emotion and lives in denial to himself.

It's such contradictions, paradoxes, that caused "Like Jesus Does" to resonate with my spirit.  The song speaks of a love that pushes through flaws, of commitment that surges through failure and overcomes.  It speaks of love the way God designed love to be – unconditional.  For me, love has been something distant, existing more in my imagination and memory than in the reality of my life, in terms of how I displayed love, how I conveyed love through personal actions.  

Seeing this deficiency, the contradictions, has caused my belief in love to develop and grow while in prison.  But the foundation of this love has shifted.  It's no longer the same self-serving, selfish love that dominated some of my life and was ever present in my marriages.  It's a love that empowers, that stretches, that looks to others first and foremost.

At heart, I am a romantic, but my romanticism has become more pragmatic.  I have a dream of love and family that nourishes me when the physical reality of its existence is barren.  In my imagined future, I see the reality of my hope reaching fulfillment through cosmic serendipity – God working in ways that extend beyond my imaginings and understanding. (Ephesians 3:20)

Love is the indestructibility of life, an experience, when true to its nature, propels us away from ourselves and toward the world and the lives of others.  Only unconditional love can remove the contradictions in people's lives.  So I write to all you brave and amazing women who stand through every storm of life and love the men in your life "Like Jesus Does."  Thank you for standing strong through the difficulty of contradictions in a man's life.

I write to the men who've been blessed to have a woman in your life who loves you "Like Jesus Does."  You have the greatest blessing you could ever ask for.  Treasure that special lady God has given you.  Adopt these magical, yet poignant words from Nelson Mandela.  Store them in your heart: "When you love a woman you don't see her faults.  The love is everything.  You don't pay attention to the things others may find wrong with her.  You just love her."

And I write to the incredible women in my life who love me "Like Jesus Does."  Mom, both my mother-in-laws, and T, T, T, and R.  Thank you for your constant support and unconditional love.  And of course, the three most beautiful girls in the world, my daughters: S, A, S.  Thank you for loving me "Like Jesus Does."

I'm a long gone Waylon song on vinyl.

I'm a back row sinner at a tent revival.

She believes in me like she believes her Bible.

She loves me like Jesus does.

I'm a left foot leaning on a souped up Chevy.

I'm a good ole boy drinkin' whiskey and rye on the levee.

But she carries me when my sins make me heavy.

She loves me like Jesus does.

All the crazy in my dreams,

Both my broken wings,

Every single piece of everything I am.

She knows the man I ain't,

She forgives me when I can't.

That devil, man, he don't stand a chance.

She loves me like Jesus does.

[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsty.com/eric-church-she-loves-me-like-jesus-does-lyrics.html ]

I always thought she'd give up on me one day.

Wash her hands of me leave me staring down some runway.

But I thank God each night and twice on Sunday

That she loves me like Jesus does.

All the crazy in my dreams,

Both my broken wings,

Every single piece of who I am.

She knows the man I ain't,

She forgives me when I can't.

That devil man, he don't have a prayer.

She loves me like Jesus does.

Yeah she knows the man I ain't.

She forgives me when I can't.

That devil, man, he don't stand a chance.

Cause she loves me like Jesus does.

I'm a long gone Waylon song on vinyl.