With the start of the world's greatest sports spectacle - the World Cup - there has been a renewed media focus on South Africa. Eighteen years after apartheid ended, the southernmost African nation is hosting the world. Vast portions of the globe's six billion people will focus their time and energy on this land of sacred soil, bound in an all-consuming passion for the beautiful game. Soccer unites humankind like little else.
South Africa has given the world one of its most iconic figures. Raised in an atmosphere of racial divisions and separations, a land of inequalities and injustices, a nation ravaged by the evils of apartheid, Nelson Mandela survived unimaginable sufferings, the mental anguish of a life-sentence, twenty years of harsh incarceration, rising from the depths of sorrow to display to the world a genuine gratefulness for the road he has traveled. Mandela's fame is not without moral content, nor does it gleam autonomously. His celebrity status is not hollow or empty. His radiant, energy of fame, is a result of a life that matters, filled with substance, standing for principles believed in the toughest of times, absent of arrogance, overflowing with contrite humility. This was never more evident than in the television interview I viewed on the eve of the kick-off to the world's biggest sporting event. As the camera focused on Mandela's face, it appeared he was surrounded by an atmosphere of utter calm, a stillness that seemed magical and profound. I found myself absorbed in his peacefulness. His countenance displayed a gentleness of spirit which trumped the known realities of his struggles, hardships, and sufferings. His words, his presence, communicated a clear message ... be thankful for all that you have, all that you've experienced in this life.
Mandela's interview, coupled with ephemeral images of individuals met in the course of my life, enables me to recognize a consistent pattern of gratitude in the lives of remarkable individuals. I think of my friend Dave Roever who had half his face blown off in Vietnam when a phosphorus grenade exploded within inches of his head. When he first saw his appearance in the mirror, he wanted to end his life. In time, he overcame this disability to go on to become one of the most gifted communicators I know. His message of hope has inspired millions. On one occasion, Dave and I were speaking together at a conference. Over the course of two days, I never heard him say one unkind word. He was a positive force of energy, always encouraging and building up others, lifting their spirits. Though disfigured and scarred, he was grateful for the chance to live. Dave Roever and people like him are amazing human beings, not just because of the suffering endured, but because they experienced gratitude in the midst of tragedy. There is often in people to whom the worst has happened a transcendant freedom, for they have faced hopelessness and survived. They are incredibly thankful for life's experiences, even more so, for the gift of being alive.
Being thankful unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, confusion to clarity, pain to joy. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow. It's the key to living a fulfilled life. If we dare not be grateful, then no matter how much we have, we will never be happy, we will always want something else or something more. If there is an offense against this life, it consists not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life, a different life, causing us to miss the implacable grandeur of our present life. Being thankful allows us to encounter everyday epiphanies, transcendent moments of awe that forever change life's experiences.
We all face adversity in life. There is no way to avoid life's storms. They will appear. The clouds will gather. The winds will arrive. The rain will come. Occasionally, life's difficulties can be much more than simple storms, they can be horrific hurricanes. Enormous calamities can happen to anyone at any time. Sometimes, the unthinkable happens in our lives. Terrible things occur. Unspeakable loss rips our hearts apart. In times like these we must remember, life is not about waiting for the storms to pass, it's about learning to walk in the rain. Life's sorrows don't eliminate its great joys. We would not know the sweet moments in life unless we had the pain.
When things are tough, we have a hard time being thankful. We tend to focus on what is wrong, blinding us from seeing what is still right. In divorce, I have chosen to look for the good in two lives that shared years, intimacy, and time. When you walked down that aisle, never did you imagine your lives could be torn apart. There was a ubiquitous optimism about your future. Divorce is the tearing apart of two lives, of a family, it is a deep pain that takes years to work through. The effects of divorce stay with you for a lifetime. Divorce never was and never will be God’s plan. It tears up individual lives. The lives of children are altered, impacted, leaving their hearts divided. It tears at their hopes and dreams, at their securities. Tearing always separates, divides, leaving marks and scars, permanent images that fade in time but are never erased. There is not always a miraculous consolation from life's failures. Sometimes you can't undo what has been done. But you can lessen the pain by focusing on the good, not the bad, by being thankful for the person who gave you many years of their life. Though you can't go back and make a brand new start, you can start from now and make a brand new ending.
I have come to see my ex-wife Robin in a new light. I now see her in ways I never saw in our marriage. Mostly I have come to see her with a perspective of gratefulness. She works so hard at her life, at her work, at her career. She works hard at being a generous and kind person, at being a mother, a single parent. She is a teacher and a helper, a leader and a friend, understanding it's about spirituality and growth and taking care of your business and family and getting the right heart and head space and cutting those things out that will hurt you. Her example is stunning and glowing. I am grateful for her and the years she gave to me, to us. I am thankful for her life.
When you go through a difficult period in life, it's easy to think about the bad, overlook the good, causing you to be more aware of what you don't have than what you do have. When we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that's present, we become content. If you concentrate on finding the good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with appreciation, a feeling that nurtures the soul and spirit.
Being grateful, no matter what is going on around you puts you in a position to keep your life moving forward, in the best direction possible. Reflect upon your present blessings, not on your past misfortunes. Be grateful for a lawn that needs mowing, flowerbeds that need weeding, gutters that need fixing, because it means you have a home. Be thankful for diapers that need changing, dirty clothes that need washing, mouths that need feeding, because it means you are blessed with family. Cherish the hand you get to hold, the lips you get to kiss, because it means someone loves you. When you count your blessings, your whole life turns around. Look for the lesson in every experience and then be thankful. Gratitude changes the pangs of memory to a tranquil joy.
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